Skip to Content
Ohio Legal Rights Service (OLRS) - protection and advocacy for people with disabilities
Text-Only / Printer-Friendly Version Site Map / External Links
Search this Site:
You are here: OLRS Home   >  OLRS Publications   >  OLRS Publications Listed by Topic   >  Parent's Guide to Finding Support

A Parent's Guide to Finding Support:
Meeting Other Families Who Have Children with Disabilities

A publication of the Ohio Legal Rights Service (OLRS)
June 2005

Download the
PDF version
A Parent's Guide to Finding Support (PDF file)

To view and print PDF documents, you need to have Adobe® Reader®, a free software program, installed on your computer. Download Adobe® Reader®

This publication was developed with funding from the Administration on Developmental Disabilities of the U.S Department of Health and Human Services, through a Family Support 360 planning grant. The purpose of this grant is to plan for a single point of entry for Hamilton County families who have young children with disabilities.

Contents

This booklet is protected by copyright under United States law and by international copyright laws and treaty provisions. You may copy and distribute the work provided that you use the work for personal, noncommercial use; do not add the work to a collection or use it with any other text, photographs, artwork, etc; do not modify or alter the work in any way or delete or modify any copyright; and do not publish or post all or any part of the work on any Internet site or in or on any other media without obtaining the prior written consent of Ohio Legal Rights Service.

Copyright © 2005 Ohio Legal Rights Service. All rights reserved.


Why should I try to meet other families?

What do families find most helpful when they first learn that their child has a disability? Many families would say that meeting other families who have a child with a disability is most helpful. Meeting other families is important because it is a way for you to learn how to handle your emotions and the day-to-day challenges of having a child with a disability. It is a way to talk to someone who has experienced the same things that you have and understands your fears and concerns. Other families are also a valuable resource of information about services and supports for your child.

As your child gets older and you get more comfortable with your child's care and needs, the type of support you need from other families will change. You will find that some families become long-time friends. Others will provide help during a crisis or other temporary situation. Overall, though, the need for support from other families is always there.

Return to top

Where can I meet other families?

Where you meet other families depends on your own situation and needs. For example, some people live in remote areas or are not able to easily leave their home. For them, having a pen pal or participating in a support group on the Internet may work best. For some families, finding a family with the same cultural, religious, or social beliefs is important. Some families prefer to meet others in person, such as by attending a support group in their community. Each family is unique and should do what works best for their needs. Example of different ways to meet other families is provided later in this booklet.

Return to top

What makes meeting other families so important?

Having someone to talk to who has "been there" and "done that" is one of the main reasons why families like to meet other families. In addition to having someone to talk to, here are some more reasons:

  • Gives you and your family a sense of belonging. Knowing that others are going through the same issues and challenges helps you to feel like you are not alone. Often, the new friends you meet will become more than people to ask advice from. They will become life-long friends for you and your family.
  • Helps your family stay together. Finding support for you, your child, and the rest of your family will allow your family to work together to create a "new normal" for life at home. Learning about experiences in the day-to-day life of other families who have a child with a disability helps your entire family prepare for the future and begin moving forward.
  • Helps your mental health. There are times when you will feel frustrated, scared, or angry. Letting those feelings build up in you is not good for your mental health. Having someone who understands your need to "blow off some steam" helps you to stay mentally healthy. They understand where you are coming from, so they are often the best ones to vent your frustrations to.
  • Helps you to become an advocate. An advocate is a person who argues for, supports, and defends the rights of another person. You are an advocate for your child. Learning from other parents is one of the first steps toward learning how to be an effective advocate for your child's needs. The families you know can help you find answers to questions and solutions to problems by sharing about their own experiences.
  • Connects you with important resources. Doctors, therapists, and other professionals don't always know about all of the resources that are available to families. Other families, though, often know about programs and services that you may not have heard about.

Sometimes a family might have a bad experience when they meet another family. They might be given wrong information, false hope, or unwanted advice. It's important to remember that each child and family is different. What works for one family might not work for another. If you do not feel comfortable with what a family is telling you, it might be best to find another family to connect with.

Return to top

How can I meet other families?

Suggestion #1: Organizations and Networks

Organized groups, such as support groups or family-to-family networks, are a popular way for families to meet each other. Support groups are usually organized by a similar topic, such as a specific diagnosis (ex. epilepsy, traumatic brain injury, or Down Syndrome). Support groups have regularly scheduled meetings where families can meet face-to-face. The meetings are held at a central location in the community where you live, such as a church, hospital, or a disability organization's office.

Family-to-family networks are a type of "match-making" service. Families provide information about their child and family to the network. The network then tries to match the family with other families who are in similar situations. Some matching networks are run locally, allowing families to meet face-to-face. Others connect families from throughout the United States or even the world. In those cases, families talk with each other by phone, mail, or e-mail. Here are some ways to find support groups and family-to-family networks:

  • Disability organizations: Check with area organizations that are specific to your child's disability. For example, if your child has epilepsy, check with the Epilepsy Foundation.
  • Local hospitals: Check with your local children's hospital. Most hospitals offer many different support groups. The Cincinnati Children's Hospital Medical Center provides information about support groups on its Web site at http://www.cincinnatichildrens.org/svc/alpha/c/special-needs/resources/support.htm.
  • Support group listings: Check with organizations that provide a listing of support groups. An example is the "Self-Help Group Sourcebook Online" from the American Self-Help Group Clearinghouse at http://www.mentalhelp.net/selfhelp/.
  • National organizations: Check with national family-to-family networks. One example is the MUMS National Parent-to-Parent Network at http://www.netnet.net/mums/. In addition to matching families, MUMS also provides a quarterly newsletter that features family stories.

If you can't find a support group, consider starting your own. Families have started support groups by meeting at their own home and moving to bigger meeting places once the group grows. Others have organized groups with the help of their place of worship, local hospital, or child's school.

Return to top

Suggestion #2: Informal introductions

Your day-to-day life holds many opportunities to meet other families. Think about the places you go and the people you see, and you will realize that there are many families already out there ready to meet you.

  • Ask for referrals. Your child's doctors, nurses, social workers, and therapists come into contact with families daily. Ask them if there is a family that you can meet. Often, they know which families are willing to connect with others and will go through the appropriate procedures to link the families together. This is also helpful when your child is going to have a surgery or procedure so that you can hear the family's perspective about what to expect during the surgery and recovery time.
  • Start conversations with other families. We all know that the waiting room is just that - a place to wait, and sometimes for a long time. What better way to pass the time than by striking up a conversation with another family in the waiting room. Chances are they are more than willing to talk with you.
  • Find people in the community where you live. Many families meet with others when they are out in the community, such as the mall, their place of worship, parks, or through a mutual friend. Remember that any place is an opportunity to find other families, even in places where you least expect.
  • Become involved in disability-related activities. Being involved with your child's school, participating on an advisory board for a local disability organization, or attending disability-related seminars and workshops are just a few examples of where you can meet other families.

A mother of a 9-year old son with multiple disabilities says that the best relationships she has found have been those that she met "by chance." Places she has met other families include the hallways and waiting rooms of Children's Hospital, the local YMCA, her child's school, the family's church, and even while on family vacations.

Return to top

Suggestion #3: Internet support groups

There are many on-line support groups available through the Internet. An on-line support group is usually offered through a "listserv." A listserv is a group e-mail list. To be a part of a listserv, you must "subscribe" to the list to become a member. This is usually done by sending an e-mail message to the list's owner. When email is sent to the listserv, the message is sent to each member's email address. That way, everyone can see the message. Those who want to can respond to the message and when they do, everyone on the list will see the response. Here are some benefits of being a part of a listserv:

  • Communicate with people all over the world. You have the ability to hear about the experiences of other families from all over the world. This is especially helpful when you have a child with an unusual or rare diagnosis.
  • Can access anytime. Families often have very little time to spare during the day. The only free time they may have is late at night. With a listserv, you can access it anytime day or night.
  • Read messages from prior conversations. Listservs often store all the e-mail messages in an "archive" area of its Web site. An archive is a place where the past messages are collected and stored (like a library). You can search the archive for a topic you are interested in to see what conversations have happened in the past.
  • Live chat times. Some lists provide chat times, when you can log onto the list server's Web site and have a "live" talk with other members. Your message will be posted to an on-line bulletin board and others can respond to the message immediately.

How to find a listserv group:

  • Use a search engine such as Google or Yahoo. Use key words, such as the name of the diagnosis along with "support group" to form your search phrase (ex. "Down Syndrome" + "support group").
  • Check with national disability organizations to see if they offer on-line groups through their Web site.
  • Use a Web site that keeps a catalog of on-line groups such as CataList at http://www.lsoft.com/catalist.html or Yahoo!Groups at http://www.groups.yahoo.com.

Remember that anyone can join a listserv, whether they have a child with a disability or not. Be careful to protect your privacy by not sharing personal information about yourself, such as your telephone number and address. Also, be aware that the subject matter of Internet list server groups can sometimes stray off topic (ex. politics, religion) and can cause arguments and unneeded stress.

Return to top

Resources in Hamilton County

The following are resources in Hamilton County and the Greater Cincinnati Area that provide support groups and family-to-family resources:

The Arc Hamilton County

1821 Summit Road
Cincinnati, Ohio 45237
Phone: 513-821-2113

Autism Society of Greater Cincinnati

P.O. Box 43027
Cincinnati, Ohio 45243-0027
Phone: 513-561-2300, open limited hours
Email: asgc@cinci.rr.com
Web: http://www.autismcincy.org

Down Syndrome Association of Greater Cincinnati

644 Linn Street, Suite 408
Cincinnati, Ohio 45203-1734
Phone: 513-761-5400
Email: sagc@fuse.net
Web: http://www.dsagc.com

Epilepsy Foundation of Greater Cincinnati

895 Central Avenue, Suite 550
Cincinnati, Ohio 45202
Phone: 513-721-2905 or 877-804-2241

Family Resource Center

Cincinnati Children's Hospital Medical Center
3333 Burnet Avenue, Location D, Level 2
Cincinnati, Ohio 45229-3039
Phone: 1-800-344-2462, Ext. 7606, or 513-636-7606
Email: frc@cchmc.org
Web: http://www.cincinnatichildrens.org/svc/alpha/f/family-resource/

Family Resources

Hamilton County Board of DD
4370 Malsbary Road, Suite 200
Cincinnati, Ohio 45242
Phone: 513-587-7272
Web: http://www.hamiltonmrdd.org/supports/family.asp

Interface Program

University Affiliated Cincinnati Center for Developmental Disorders (UACCDD)
3333 Burnett Avenue
Cincinnati, Ohio 45229
Phone: 513-636-4639
Web: http://www.cincinnatichildrens.org/svc/alpha/d/disabilities/default.htm

Mental Health Association of the Cincinnati Area

2400 Reading Rd, Suite 412
Cincinnati, Ohio 45202
Phone: 513-721-2910, Fax 513-287-8544
Email: mha@mhaswoh.org
Web: http://www.mentalhealthassn.org

Mothers of Special Children of Greater Cincinnati

(Monthly support group that meets at Hyde Park Bethlehem United Methodist, Oakley)
Phone: 513-398-4923
Web: http://mothersofspecialchildren.com/index.html

Special Needs Resource Directory

Parent/Caregiver Support Groups
(Provides links and contact information to Cincinnati-specific support groups and caregiver resources)
Cincinnati Children's Hospital Medical Center
3333 Burnet Avenue
Cincinnati, Ohio 45229
Web: http://www.cincinnatichildrens.org/svc/alpha/c/special-needs/resources/support.htm

Return to top

Resources for the rest of the family

Resources for Siblings

Right now, there are no sibling support groups in Hamilton County. If you are interested in starting a group, the Ohio SIBS organization can provide assistance. Visit the Ohio SIBS Web site at www.ohiosibs.info/ for contact information and to learn more about the Ohio SIBS program.

Resources for Fathers and Grandparents

Return to top

Resources about grieving

When you have a child with a disability, you experience different types of grief throughout your child's life. Different grieving emotions you might feel are: denial, anger, despair, shock, mourning, confusion, and guilt. That last emotion - guilt - is something that many families struggle with. Guilt can be felt for many different reasons:

  • Self-doubt: Am I doing enough for my child? Would she be doing better if I quit my job and worked with her every day?
  • Resentment: Why do I have to be the main caregiver? Why can't I get a break from my responsibilities? Why is my son sick so often?
  • Cultural or religious beliefs: Did an ancestor receive a curse for a wrong deed and now my family is paying for it? Am I paying for mistakes from my past?
  • Regret: Why didn't I take better care of myself during the pregnancy? Why wasn't I there to protect my son when he almost drowned?
  • Shame: Why do people have to stare at my child? Do people think my son's disability is my fault?

Each person handles the grieving process in different ways. Some emotions will come under control one day while others might take a lifetime to overcome. Talking with other families is a very helpful way to help you deal with your emotions. The following resources also provide information about the grieving process:

Return to top

Acknowledgements

This publication was produced by Ohio Legal Rights Service, 50 West Broad Street, Suite 1400, Columbus, Ohio 43215-5923. Telephone 614-466-7264 / 800-282-9181 TTY 614-728-2553/800-858-3542 Web site: http://olrs.ohio.gov.

Created in 1975, OLRS is an independent state agency and the federal protection and advocacy system for adults and children with disabilities in Ohio. OLRS' mission is to protect and advocate for the human, civil and legal rights of people with disabilities.

Ohio Legal Rights Service does not discriminate in provision of service or employment because of race, color, religion, sex, sexual orientation, national origin, military service, disability, or age.

OLRS would like to thank the Family Group of Hamilton County for its review and comment. The Family Group is working with OLRS in the development of a single-point-of-entry plan for families who have young children with disabilities.

The author of this booklet is OLRS' web site administrator and the parent of Patrick and Matthew. Matthew has multiple disabilities.

Return to top


 

Related Topics: